Not all military commands can have a health service on a permanent basis. On the ship in which I was, in winter there was nothing but a good nurse officer, both in consideration of the proximity of the unit to the military hospital and for the reduced operational activity, mainly having to provide the ordinary maintenance and surveillance of the works contracted to specialized companies.
In truth, a good nurse and an assistant were enough and advanced. In the end, health practices were solved in the compilation of "shelter bases" for sailors affected by seasonal influences while, rarely, a "Model C" was completed for casualties due to accidents in service. All the necessary, but modest, practices. Routine, to put it in one word.
One day, at the end of December, a young aspiring medical guardian, fresh fresh AUC course, comes aboard. It was not unexpected - the messaging that was about him was regularly received - and indeed ... in the square he wondered for what obscure reason the General Direction had given us a medical colleague. Certainly at that moment of "short turn" it would have been preferable for an officer to be included in the guard shift. We would have welcomed it anyway: maybe it was nice. And then, all those who - more or less - need medical advice and it is always better to keep the doctor well. He, however, probably in the hurry to reach the naval base, seemed to have forgotten to bring sympathy to him. It was not that she was mischievous or disgusting, but it seemed like one of those subjects who, in giving her hand, left the worried impression that she felt with certain old gentle ladies who would return the greeting, suggesting they would prefer the canon kiss.
Professionally speaking, he must have been a good doctor. On the other hand, the commander was satisfied, and that was enough. However, despite the passage of time, there was no way to create the amalgam of the newcomer in the group. "Come and get yourself a pizza tonight?" "No thanks." "We took a videotape, a thriller, do you like De Niro?" "No thanks." After dinner, while we lingered to finish the evening with a coffee and the ritual round of glasses for "the intimate joy" of the day, he got up and with a greeting in a low voice went away quickly.
Finally the time came to arm the unity of all point for a new intense activity. With the completion of the organic table, left for a while a little 'suffering, it was achieved - with other services on board - even the completion of the health service. Now it was almost a section of the military hospital: orthopedic holder doctor, suborder anesthetist in spe, suborder of complement, marshal, second chief and sergeant nurse two or three assistant troops.
Well, what does our "doctor" do when the unit prepares for the most important activity? License request: all ordinary license, "937 law" license, a few days of recovery and ... matrimonial license. Capers! He could tell before he was there to convolve! We would have realized that behind his denial there was the mood of the condemned to death. We would have been able to distract him from such a sad destiny. Apart from the jokes, she was sorry she had not been part of such a delightful fact. But if God forgives, the square does not! It was only to wait and revenge, which became beautiful cold, we would have cooked it warm hot. Time to time!
Our back, beautiful tanned, in a foreign port, wife following. We knew and could appreciate the good qualities. She was a dear girl who did not miss the warm welcome of what her husband had to describe her as her skin friends. And he, lie on his shoulders, "Wahid friend, as you walk today." In short, the marriage seemed to have been rethought. Perhaps acquired the coveted goal, a source of concern, had the black collar dropped in the brain that until then covered the magazine "friendship"?
All the beautiful things end, so inevitably ended the galvanizing stop in the harbor. Returning home to his wife, the shawl returned to his place, marking that ours had returned to the old habits. Not by chance the Romans - and many other peoples of antiquity, I presume - had the concept of man with two faces. The Romans, however, of their Gianni had made the god of peace and war. Now was the time of war.
Quick survey in square. Acquired assent of the commander in second and "nulla osta" of the commander, we decided a terrible left-handed shot. The action was pre-ordained as a battle plan. We began by drafting a fake "confidential" message in which the Personnel Department (Maripers), with reference to the "marriage notice at the age allowed" previously sent by the ship, reported that, following the investigation of practice, it had emerged that the wife (identical name, identical date of birth) of our officer was found already married with the "Captain Gianluca Vettorello" commander of the carabinieri company of a distant locality in the province of Cuneo and at the same time arranged that the commander, discreetly, investigate and acquire the deeds necessary for the hypothesis of the crime of "military fraud" and, in the case of production of the marriage certificate also of "false ideological". At the general command of the carabinieri, inserted in the block addresses for knowledge, Maripers assigned the investigation about the possible state of bigamia of his wife.
The name chosen for the alleged captain was such that the joke was immediately to be understood. It was in vogue, at that time, a television program where a great Teo Teocoli represented the most pious Gianduja Vettorello. The same name had been favored by the fate, instead of the alternative "Captain Ermete Rubagotti," a mockery of another character, in vogue in the interpretation of Gene Gnocchi.
At the message of Maripers, they would follow in quick sequence: "decretation" spelled in red by the commander of the tenor "Commander in 2 ^ by me immediately."; then note in the green of the commander second to the commissioner on board "Commissioner, by me with the codes." and finally a note from the on-board commissary to me; a synthetic "Please speak."
The message, photocopied with its beautiful decrees, was entrusted to the head medical service, who was responsible for playing the part of the family father who, failing to keep the secret because "... I realized that you are really a good boy" he should have pointed out to us that the commander had given instructions to several people he trusted to discreetly gather information about his family status. "I recommend - closed the interview - do not get me in trouble, keep everything for yourself and do not go to the commander Do not repay the friendship that I show you ruining my career".
In doing so, according to the established plan, our victim would have found himself unable to reveal to any one of his intimately intimidating thoughts and, at the same time, would see in every question, in every greeting, in every good conversation, an attempt to police purposes. In short, if the spy-citizen ratio in Romania of Ceausescu was 1 at 2, on our ship, for our doctor, the percentage was 100% less one.
Fortunately for the discreet number of days we were assigned to, we followed for a full day the silent wandering of the poorman on the deck, his sitting with his absent look at crewmembers, eating his meals not in the square but in the shelter, taking good care of looking through the passivivande that no one would notice and leaving the commander in the second to be held in an infirmary. So, even at the request of the same commander in the second, who conscientiously did not want us to pull the rope too far, we went to the final stage.
A second message was produced by Maripers who, canceling the previous one, communicated the transcription in the registers of the civil status of the certificate of marriage concordat, received late at the town hall due to the carelessness of the elderly presiding pastor. The task of communication, filled with decrees like: (in red) "I had no doubts." and in green "Evviva! command secretariat, please attach to previous communication.", was again entrusted to the head health service who did not fail to conclude with "It's all good that ends well!"
Perhaps the shock received made the young doctor meditate on the origins of existence, on the daily life, on the destiny, on the values of society and on the need to put their trust in other human beings in times of need. The fact is that after this episode became more open and inclined to human relations. And we all unanimously agreed to bury the hatchet and to provide the most sincere, open friendship to our colleague, who had become a midship in the meantime. We began by participating in our satisfaction in knowing it exonerated. Never had we doubted his correctness and his sweet half. Surely - as we underlined, being true rascals with a special long-term license - he had the opportunity to notice it. What is certain is that he did not know or imagine that we had packaged that unfortunate plot.
One day, shortly before his leave, he appeared in an administrative secretariat and asked if I remember the name of the captain of the carabinieri. "Gianluca Vettorello," I said, "why do you ask me?" "Because my wife has long waited for a money order, and I do not want her finished with his homonym, the captain's wife. I could not hold back. After drying the tears from her face, I removed from her face that curious and offended air and told him everything. But now it was ours.
=== Note: this story has already been posted on the site www.paginedidifesa.it (now no longer active). I thank General Giovanni Bernardi, Director of PdD, for the hospitality then grant me.
